What if you could turn “there’s something wrong with me” into “I’m not settling”?
Being single offers tremendous freedom.
It also presents challenges. Even in today’s world, there are still many barriers–external and internal–to fully enjoying life when you are single.
I help my mostly women clients around the world embrace a full, empowered life on your own terms. Single. And Together.
You tried to work through this yourself but have remained stuck in the status quo.
If you are a single or divorcing woman you may have been in one of these places.
- You sometimes feel weighed down by droning negative self-talk about being single: Why am I still single? Am I better off alone? And the dreaded: Is there something wrong with me?
- You’ve forgotten what’s fun for you and sometimes don’t even know what you want anymore..You know what you’re supposed to want, but what do you really want?
- You delay on making decisions, taking risks, and even having fun because you feel like you need a partner for your life to really begin. Societal expectations get you down, you also wonder if you are getting in your own way.
- You worry it’s too late. You believe that no one is interested in women past their “expiration date.” Or you worry no one wants to go out with someone who has been single so long. So you’ve given up.
- You have gotten lost in romantic obsessions or hung out too long in relationships you know were not meant to be.
You may have tried to address these issues in various ways. The therapist was okay, but you just vented and didn’t see the change you long for.
Self-help books have strategies but you never do them and they are not tailored for you and your unique needs and personality. Not to mention, a self-help book can’t hold you accountable.
Talking to friends is good but there are things or a certain depth of things you can’t expect them to take on.
A fortune teller or private Facebook group might give you direction but it’s not a structured process to keep you accountable and help you make change.
I’m glad you came here. I can help. I offer a creative alternative to therapy that can help you start living your full life now (not later)…
As the author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics (Harper San Francisco, 2004) and the founder of the QA movement (which I launched back in 2000), I’ve always taken a stand for single women. I’ve helped thousands of single women. . . facing the same questions you are.
Through my coaching practice, I provide a unique, deep, creative, and action-oriented alternative to therapy to help you make lasting change.
We will start by getting clear about the goals of our working together, and then I will help you to achieve those goals step-by-step. Coaching with me revolves around personal goals that we come up with together, so your results are also personal.
Between sessions you will be doing “playwork.” This is a personalized process and accountability you’ve been needing to help make these changes tangible and real in your life.
My coaching is unlike any therapy you’ve done, and it’s pretty different from what most life coaches offer too. I also bring in my skills as a writer and memoirist. I help you to revisit and change the story you are telling yourself about you and your life. The new story we cocreate changes how you talk to yourself, and what becomes possible for you. If you come to learn tango with me in Buenos AIres, we’ll also add tango as a transformative layer in your experience. There is no problem that tango cannot help you solve as it’s the metaphor for life and relationship.
I work with my clients in the areas of being OK being single (and letting go of “single shame”), dating/relationship/empowered sexuality, creativity, work + career change, and life transition (divorce, break-up, moves).
We will be focusing on self-love and self-care too–and finding the fun again. No matter what goals you choose to focus on, I will help you to stay true to yourself and live a turned-on life.
If deeper issues come up, such as the final stages of recovery from past abuse, sexual assault, or rape, we’ll talk about that too, and if I feel you need a therapist also, I’ll recommend that.
Self-worth is always a theme of our work. I will not let you settle in a so-so life, work, or sell yourself short for scraps in a relationship. Some clients choose to marry themselves as part of our work. If so, I will help you create the meaning, vows, and ritual, including your engagement and ceremony–maybe even a honeymoon too!
When you work with me, you will get support to:
- Take risks to find out what really lights you up, so you are living life to the fullest — this might be a move, a career pivot or business, traveling, we will see
- Get comfortable with the power of CHOICE–making decisions that work for you, rather than lettting time, destiny, or other people determine your future.
- Let go of feelings of self-blame around being single or divorced so you feel at peace and own your true worth
- Empower yourself with self-love and self-care practices
- Open yourself up for greater intimacy, authenticity, vulnerability in all your relationships, including your next romantic relationship
- Get wet! Learn a new approach (or approaches) to sex that will allow you to blossom as a sensual woman
You also get:
- Help to break free from social conditioning.
- Personalized guidance from a woman who has a fierce will to live life to the fullest and has broken the mold in her own life.
- A coach and guide who is independent minded: someone who’s not lockstep with any set societal idea of what life should be, who can help free you from conventional thinking to find what is really true and right for you.
My coach training comes from CTI, the largest coach-training institute in the world, and I supplement this with my decades of experience as a published author and entrepreneur, along with training in memoir, writing as healing (the Hero’s Journey), tantra, female sexuality, tango, psicotango, and trauma healing.
I’m definitively a coach by training and approach, but many clients call me their therapist because of the depth of our conversations and the support you receive. One client told me, “I had a psychologist and a pleasure coach, but I’d prefer to talk with you weekly because working with you hits all those bases.”
Along with our twice-monthly Skype sessions, we co-create your “playwork.”
Playwork is where the rubber hits the road. These are totally personalized practices and assignments to help you practice step-by-step what we talk about in our Skype sessions.
Often the playwork involves writing and reflection, or it’s some sort of practical step, creative project, or conversation to help you advance our goals in the real world.
Each piece of playwork is a baby step, and over time, these baby steps add up to big changes.
Some examples of playwork:
- facing a fear
- punching pillows
- going to a salsa class
- pussy-focused walking (you’ll learn what this is)
- rewriting a dating profile
- a challenging conversation
- doing art (making a collage)
- going to events and reporting back
- looking in a mirror and saying I’m valuable
- list of things you are proud about in a certain area
- presentations, look over a pitch, or practicing a pitch
The playwork is all assigned/based on the therapeutic work we do during the Skype sessions. It will be based on your dreams, real-life interpersonal conflicts, inner conflicts, limiting beliefs, problems that need creative solutions, things you have been procrastinating on or are afraid to do, beliefs that aren’t serving you, and so on.
Don’t forget: I’m also the one who wrote a book on to-do lists, so we use that framework to turn your desired changes into a series of baby steps that make this all a series of doable things you will be checking off on your list, one-by-one.
So, are we a fit? My clients are mostly women, and they range in ages from twentysomething to sixtysomething, and they live all over the world: the U.S., Europe, Canada, Australia, and South America. You can live anywhere, as long as we find a time that works for both of us to work via Skype.
My clients tend to be highly educated and want to life a fully expressed life whether they are single or coupled. They are committed to doing the “playwork”–though don’t worry, it’s all about progress, not perfection, and the playwork will be integrated into your life and will make your life better.
Most either identify with being or enjoy the quirkyalone concept, and feel “quirky” in some way. Some like the idea of being “wet.”
You definitely don’t need to dance tango to work with me but some clients do and want a space to reflect on all of the tango-life connections they find through the dance. In this case, we can use tango as a metaphor in our work on the rest of your life, and that’s very powerful–and fun.
“As a result of working with Sasha, my confidence in myself was sky-high: I changed careers, restarted dating in an open/honest way and I joined a local tango community. I owe much of my new outlook on life and ways of interacting with others to Sasha. I have peace, satisfaction and a true view of my worth. If you are stuck or just can’t get rid of a nagging feeling that your life is moving by without you, Sasha can help.”
“’I’ve worked with a coach for 10 years—working with Sasha has taken coaching to a new level. Aside from the fact that Sasha is the first woman to ask me to listen to my pussy — as well as my mind, heart and gut— Sasha has a unique style of coaching. She assigns “playwork” which she reads thoroughly before and after sessions, which makes sessions less of a “catch-up” and more of a “dig in.” Sasha isn’t a “yes person”— she challenges you, keeps you on track, always in a compassionate and collaborative way.”
“I’d done therapy in the past, but working with Sasha felt more actionable and relatable. Now, I’m actually dating, which is completely new for me. I’m meeting new people more frequently, too. If you are considering working with Sasha, DO IT (all capital letters and tons of emphasis)! You will see so much change in a short amount of time. Sasha has a gift for helping people quickly realize what they want and why they’re holding themselves back from getting it.”
“Sasha has supported my emotional and creative growth in many ways. We have discussed a wide range of topics including relationships, work-life balance, creativity, nonviolent communication, ambivalence about raising a child, and being authentic. I learned new skills and tools through our sessions, which have been more effective than my previous experiences with talk therapy and life coaching. I have grown significantly through working with Sasha. I highly recommend working one-on-one with her.”
“I was intrigued when Sasha said that when you explore sexuality it impacts all areas of life, I was coming out of a long marriage with an incompatible partner. I had a typical English reserved feeling toward sexuality; everything is very unspoken. Sasha easily picked up on what I was saying. The top thing I learned by working with Sasha is to value sex. Now I’m having the best sex of my life!”
“Sasha practices what she preaches, really diving into learning about her own life and using those experiences to help people change their lives to be more in alignment with who they *really* are. She is adventurous, wise, and willing to be vulnerable in her work and coaching which for me, is HUGE. I don’t really trust people with my personal information who aren’t vulnerable themselves.”
“I began working with Sasha at a time of transition. I had left my job, run off to live and work at a yoga retreat center. When I returned to the Bay Area, I needed help integrating all that I had learned into a new framework. Sasha guided me with wisdom, compassion, and humor, helping me to continue to make small shifts, set manageable goals, and to practice self-care. I strongly recommend working with Sasha as a life coach. Whether you’re struggling with relationships, languishing in old patterns, or making some major life changes, Sasha has the skills and experience to meet you where you are.”
We’ll start with an initial consultation call of 20-30 minutes, which includes drafting the top two or three things you want to focus on right now.
Then, if we agree that it’s a good fit, we schedule our Skype sessions. Typically we meet 2x a month, generally at regular times that work for both of us. We meet for about 50 minutes each time. Because we work via Skype, you can do this work from the comfort of home or work (if you have a private space during the workday). You can be anywhere in the world. You also get email support from me on your playwork.