Wet: A Memoir of My Life Churn
My next book will be called WET.
I am so in the middle of a second draft, but here is a description of the book.
The book is called Wet, but it’s not really about sex. It’s a story of unlocking secrets through the body.
Wet is a journey of sexual and sensual discovery through the lands of tango and Silicon Valley, for any woman who is in a dry spell and wants to rediscover her appetite for life.
After ten years of working without a real vacation, and three years of total singledom, I leave techie Silicon Valley feeling dry. I want to enjoy life again, find love, or discover a hobby—or have sex at the least. I go to South America on a hunch that following my body’s instincts could hold the key to happiness. I have no idea what that will mean. I want the script of what a woman is supposed to want: a husband, house, one child, but then again, I don’t really want that either. The real problem was I didn’t know what I wanted. So I move to Brazil.
Along the way, I make out with a lot of Brazilian men (too many?), get involved with a polyamorous artist Brazilian couple, fall in love with the pleasure I find through tango and the tangasm in Argentina, and practice orgasmic meditation (clitoris stroking) and discover a different kind of orgasm that’s about feminine-driven life force energy in the Bay Area inside an organization many call a sex cult.
A journey of sexuality and sensuality outside the comfort zone
All of these adventures and misadventures outside my comfort zone force me to confront the shame and guilt I inherited from growing up in repressive New England, the fear that I am way off track in my life choices and missing out on the greatest experience of life as a woman if I don’t have children, and that ultimately, I’m not lovable and will never find intimacy in a long-term relationship. I’m scared that I will always be alone and I am missing out on the essence of life: love. When I let my boundaries be violated sexually, I’m frustrated that I find it so hard to find my voice in intimate situations.
Finally, through intense study of tango, I find great pleasure through the tangasm. And I’m able to see through my posture what’s been going on in my psyche. I need to face the darkness in my past—the meanings I made of a single incident of childhood sexual abuse. Learning a new posture through the most intimate partner dance helps me learn a new posture in life and relationships. This self-awareness allows me to open my heart and find my voice, to share my feelings and get closer with my mother, and to create the possibility for an intimate relationship. Straightening my posture allows me to be for rather than against myself in all ways, in my ability to invest in my creativity and my own work too.
Wet is a personal story but also contains many revelations and insights about the challenges and possibilities for a woman to fully own her sexuality and sensuality (feeling sexy rather than performing sexiness—think Paris Hilton) in a still-patriarchal society. Sexuality is a creative life force that relaxes us and brings us alive, and we can embrace this sexual and sensual energy in many ways. Embracing our authentic sexuality can have a big impact on the rest of our lives in every area: work, confidence, and all relationships, not just sexual ones.
But there are still many obstacles for women to feel safe being sensual or sexual in a slut-shaming, sexist culture that routinely objectifies women as second-class citizens, and glorifies testosterone-driven sex over a kind of sexuality that equally values the female experience. Wet will be part of a tradition of books that look at the authentic female sexual experience.
Helping other women find their wet
Ultimately Wet is a story of unlocking secrets through the body, of a woman forming her own definition of what it means to be truly alive and live a turned-on life. It’s about what happens when you open up to the unknown and let life take you rather than trying to control everything. It’s a “feminine” wild ride for five years that is sometimes not at all clear in its purpose for a woman who is used to living in a goal-oriented way in an achievement-focused society
My hope is that my story help you find your own answers for an authentic, satisfying life.
In many ways, Wet is the follow-up to Quirkyalone, but it’s a much more personal book. In Quirkyalone, I looked at the lives, psychologies and personalities of people who prefer to be single rather than settle. In Wet, I investigate my own personal history in being single, relationships, and sexuality.
The book takes us through many sensual experiences including sex and tango, reminding us we are a body first and the body remembers.
Ultimately Wet is a story about facing fear—realizing the past can no longer hurt you and you have nothing to fear.
I want to make you blush
The title is designed to make you blush. I want you to feel a visceral sense of turn-on in reading the book. Wet for me is that feeling of turn-on, not only sexual turn-on but the turn-on of feeling alive. It’s about being open to intuition. It’s an homage to female sexuality that gets diminished in our culture into being a caricature, a performance.
Wet is the opposite of dry. Wet is juicy. It is also murky. It is internal. It’s not necessarily clear. It is not necessarily linear. To be wet is to flow with the signals of your own body and that’s not always clear either.
Female sexuality is always more hidden and cloaked, more mysterious. To be wet is not nearly as obvious as a hard-on. Wet is about more than sex. It is about vitality and sensuality. It is about blushing and the blood coursing through us. It is about saying yes to ourselves and life. And pleasure. Even with our conflicted relationship to pleasure.
Sex and sensuality are missing when we talk about personal growth and therapy. My journey was a story of healing through sensuality. As one woman told me during this journey, if you’re going to choose something to study, why not make it pleasure?
For a sneak preview, listen to this podcast.
W(h)et your appetite for more. Would you like to be an early reader or experience wetness for yourself through my coaching? Sign up for this special list
WET is percolating in my computer. In 2017 I am working on the second draft—it’s a long but worthwhile journey to bring this book to you!
I am so excited about the conversations WET will spark. I already know the conversations will be amazing–because I’m having them with my coaching clients and the women who come to my Tango Goddess Workshop and in the Tango Adventure (where I teach some Wet themes and strategies for life).
As I write, I want to gather contacts of people who are interested in this work now and wetness coaching or in other learning. Getting in touch with your own sense of pleasure and sensuality can impact your vitality, self-esteem and your life outside the bedroom.
If Wet interests you as a reader, coaching client or student, please sign up here to get a sneak peek of the book and be part of an early group of readers giving feedback.