Get to know me + my perspective as a coach + writer through these podcasts + videos

Loved listening to this, Sasha! Thanks for your continued openness, exploring and vulnerability to help us all.

Susan Vittner 

Portland, ME

Romantic Obsession

Romantic Obsession (or R.O.) is a subject I cover in Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics. Since I know R.O. to be a hidden topic for quirkyalones (because after all we seem so self-assured and confident, so not prone to obsession!) I recorded this unscripted video sharing what I have learned from my own R.O.s and helping others in my coaching practice.

I called the video the Hidden Messages of Romantic Obsession because many years after first writing about R.O., I can see that usually an R.O. masks or distracts us from a deeper issue. It’s never really about the person we are obsessing about–it’s about something else for us to heal.

On Motherhood/Not Motherhood

Unclassified Woman is all about combatting “limiting female narratives”:

“With almost 25% of women over 40 child-free by choice or childless through circumstance, it seems absurd that women still have to justify their decisions or endure pity about why they’re not mothers. Motherhood is not a mandate and yet so many women are made to feel ‘less than’ or viewed suspiciously or disparagingly, if they are creating a life of meaning beyond biological mothering.

All of these outdated stereotypes lead to one dangerous assumption: what’s your value beyond being a mother? As mainstream society still tends to over-celebrate mothers juggling ‘it all’, and under-celebrate women who, whilst not mothers, have created lives of purpose and service – Unclassified Woman is the perfect antidote to limiting female narratives.”

Michelle and I recorded an intimate conversation for her series Unclassified Woman.

In our Unclassified Woman conversation, we go into:
– the messy truth about why I haven’t had children, and many women today do not
– social infertility and circumstantial infertility (our choices are not always entirely choices)
– a near-death experience I had that helped me see I can’t put myself through so much pain around comparing myself and the value of my life to friends who are mothers
– the process of grieving not having a child even though I was never sure I wanted to be a biological mother
– the delicious moment when you figure out who you are and stand for your own value

Unclassified Woman: CLICK HERE to LISTEN

Healing Single Shame

Since 2014, I’ve been shining a light on “single shame:” the awkward feeling some single people who have been on their own for a long time may feel when they are out on a date and someone asks, “When was your last relationship?” In this video I talk with fellow author Sara Eckel (It’s Not You) about what we have noticed among our readers and our best strategies to heal single shame.

Quirkyalone Day on NPR

Quirkyalone is a word that I invited to describe people who prefer to be single rather than settle. The ultimate expression of a quirkyalone is the opposite of codependent. And of course you have quirkytogether relationships! I also invented Quirkyalone Day as an inclusive alternative to Valentine’s Day for everyone to celebrate self-love, whether you are single or coupled. An Illinois NPR station invited me on their Valentine’s Day show in 2013.
Listen to this therapeutic and thought-provoking conversation on NPR, International Quirkyalone Day 2013

Owning Your Sensuality

In my next book, a memoir, I am telling the story of how I healed my deepest shit around self-worth and intimacy through a journey of sensuality that took me all over Brazil, Colombia, Argentina and California. The working title for the book is Wet. I’ve chosen the name of my upcoming memoir for a reason and it’s not exactly what you might think.

Lindsay and Lani over at the podcast Fuck Dating interviewed me about Wet and we talk about:

  • the importance of owning and exploring your sensuality
  • letting your boundaries be crossed
  • healing from childhood sexual abuse
  • what is wet, and what is dry
  • listening to your body for big life decisions
  • my experiences in Rio de Janeiro, a very sensual city

All Things Tango

Joe Yang, a tango teacher from Madison, Wisconsin, interviewed me for Joe’s Tango Podcast. Joe’s podcast is for people who are who are starting to fall in love with the dance of tango and want to learn from different experts in the field.

Here’s some of what we talked about:

  • The transformative power of tango–tango has always been about way more than tango for me, and that’s how I teach it. Tango really is a mirror for our lives and how we operate in relationships
  • Advice for beginners to enjoy a milonga
  • The emotional roller coaster of being a beginning tango student (at least it was for me)
  • Tango teaching philosophies: when you let go of being perfect, learning tango can be fun and easy
  • The embrace! The essence of tango is the embrace; if you want to feel a true tango embrace, that’s a big reason to try tango in Buenos Aires
  • Tango communities–what makes them good and what makes them snobby (the dark side of tango)
  • Healing through tango! Tango’s healing power is really important to me. I’ve been exploring this topic for myself over the last seven years and using tango as a tool with my clients to heal the effects of sexual trauma in particular.

My First Tangasm

I told a live story about my first tangasm at That Really Happened??? in Berkeley, Calif., in early 2016. Listen for the story, stay for the tangasm.