The Healing Power of Tango

When I had something mysterious that felt like chronic fatigue syndrome back in 2012, I did everything I could for my health. But nothing worked. So I listened to an intuition that the thing I needed to heal was not six more months of the paleo diet or bone broth: I decided the cure would be tango in Buenos Aires, something that intuitively I believed would make my immune cells dance with each other. That intuition paid off. I moved to Buenos Aires for eight months in 2012 and my condition improved; my energy came back.

Tango heals many conditions. A lot of people get into tango because they are going through a break-up or divorce. The tango embrace helps people get over the loss of a relationship. But tango doesn’t only heal a broken heart. Tango has been shown heal or give relief to the effects of Parkinson’s Disease, Alzheimer’s, loneliness and depression.

In this talk, I speak about the Healing Power of Tango and why and how tango heals. . . physically and psychologically.  I talk about:
–tango as a mirror to see your patterns in relationships
–tango as a tool to build confidence and attitude and improve your posture
–tango as a tool for healing trauma

Do you have a story of healing through tango? I’d love to hear it. Please share as a comment or send an email.

I Shared My Thoughts on All Things Tango

 

 

Joe Yang, a tango teacher from Madison, Wisconsin, recently interviewed me for Joe’s Tango Podcast. Joe’s podcast is for people who are who are starting to fall in love with the dance of tango and want to learn from different experts in the field. I share a bit of my own tango story and talked about my work combining tango and life coaching through the Tango Adventure and with my one-on-one coaching clients who take up tango. We talked about my tango writing too (right now, I’m deep at work on my memoir Wet, which is a journey of healing the effects of trauma through sensual experiences, so tango plays a big role in the story).

We literally talked about all things tango. Joe started off asking me the moment/s I knew I wanted tango would be a big part of my life, and we got to talking about advice I would give beginning dancers. I’ll give you a little teaser with an answer to that last question: RELAX! Relaxing and being in the moment is the most important piece of advice I would give. How do you relax? Many people want the answer to be a glass of wine. There is a better answer. Surrender to the hug.

Here’s some of the other stuff we talked about:

  • The transformative power of tango–tango has always been about way more than tango for me, and that’s how I teach it. Tango really is a mirror for our lives and how we operate in relationships
  • Advice for beginners to enjoy a milonga
  • The emotional roller coaster of being a beginning tango student (at least it was for me)
  • Tango teaching philosophies: when you let go of being perfect, learning tango can be fun and easy
  • The embrace! The essence of tango is the embrace; if you want to feel a true tango embrace, that’s a big reason to try tango in Buenos Aires
  • Tango communities–what makes them good and what makes them snobby (the dark side of tango)
  • Healing through tango! Tango’s healing power is really important to me. I’ve been exploring this topic for myself over the last seven years and using tango as a tool with my clients to heal the effects of sexual trauma in particular.

I shared a lot about the Tango Adventure in Buenos Aires too! If you’re interested in joining us and want to learn a bit more, definitely give this podcast a listen. I explain to Joe how I first got the idea to start the Tango Adventure from my own experience of healing through tango in many ways. I wanted to share the knowledge I’ve collected through a week-long immersion in Buenos Aires.

With us, you can learn the true essence of tango that goes beyond steps and in many ways you just can’t learn that anywhere else but Buenos Aires.

Here’s the podcast to give it a listen!

Listen on iTunes: http://apple.co/2eOGdlc
Or Soundcloud: http://bit.ly/2zYANMk
Or Stitcher: http://bit.ly/2xNrUWA

Behind the Scenes in My Quirky Business

A current to-do list. There is a madness to my methods.

Sometimes people will send me messages asking, how do you make this work? How do you earn a living, find clients or get published? I never really know what to say because the process of building a life as a writer, life coach, and now a transformative tango guide was slow and winding, full of so many twist and turns. You could say the path has been full of to-do lists. See above.

I’ve been writing professionally since 1997 when I wrote for the Village Voice, and I’ve been at work on creating a business since 2011. I have learned from so many people on both fronts and I’m still learning. There’s no one single way to answer the question.

If you have your own business or you have thought about creating one, your Facebook feed might be full of ads about programs that cost $10,000 and promise a quick-fix answer. While there is a lot of helpful education out there, and I’ve benefited from taking many classes and working with coaches (in fact, I never could have gotten this far without all that learning), there is no single magic bullet. If you’re constructing a quirky business or writing career, you have to learn from your own path. From experimentation, leaps, and experience. Each person’s journey will be unique. If you want to wrote a book, of course your book will be unique too.

SEO expert and entrepreneur lady Cinthia Pacheco interviewed me for this her podcast Digitally Overwhelmed. Cinthia helps women online entrepreneurs with analytics and content strategy.

In this podcast, we go behind the scenes and I tell you about the development of my quirky business combining writing books, coaching, and my tango adventures . . .now “wet” adventures in Brazil as well.

We talk about:
* Bringing together disparate interests in your business–or do you have to focus on one thing? Is it OK to have an SEO business and post pictures of your cat? Is it OK to talk about quirkyalone and tango?
* Fears of failure. I still work with these all the time.
* The importance of finding your people for support. Indispensable. No one does it alone.

I recommend that you listen to this if you’re interested in building your own quirky business. We try to be as real and helpful as possible!

Here’s the podcast link to give it a listen! (Scroll down to listen.)

The Murky Truths of Non-Motherhood: A Podcast Conversation on Unclassified Woman

Unclassified Woman is a wonderful podcast about combatting “limiting female narratives”:

“With almost 25% of women over 40 child-free by choice or childless through circumstance, it seems absurd that women still have to justify their decisions or endure pity about why they’re not mothers. Motherhood is not a mandate and yet so many women are made to feel ‘less than’ or viewed suspiciously or disparagingly, if they are creating a life of meaning beyond biological mothering.

 

All of these outdated stereotypes lead to one dangerous assumption: what’s your value beyond being a mother? As mainstream society still tends to over-celebrate mothers juggling ‘it all’, and under-celebrate women who, whilst not mothers, have created lives of purpose and service – Unclassified Woman is the perfect antidote to limiting female narratives.”

Michelle Marie McGrath, the creator of Unclassified Woman, and I recorded an intimate conversation last year.

I remember the conversation being so personal that I was afraid to listen to it when she sent it to me. I summoned the courage, pressed play and found the conversation very nourishing.

I hope you will find the realness nourishing too.

In our Unclassified Woman conversation, we go into:
– the messy truth about why I haven’t had children, and many women today do not
– social infertility and circumstantial infertility (our choices are not always entirely choices)
– a near-death experience I had that helped me see I can’t put myself through so much pain around comparing myself and the value of my life to friends who are mothers
– the process of grieving not having a child even though I was never sure I wanted to be a biological mother
– the delicious moment when you figure out who you are and stand for your own value

Unclassified Woman: CLICK HERE to LISTEN TO OUR CONVERSATION.

Unclassified Woman is fabulous and you should definitely subscribe on iTunes.

This Quirkyalone Day 2017, celebrate your right to speak out with an independent voice

International Quirkyalone Day is an alternative to Valentine’s Day that I started way back in 2003. It falls, of course, on February 14. It’s just a coincidence. Well, that’s our story and we’re sticking with it.

Since then Quirkyalone Day been celebrated in more than 40 cities around the world as an inclusive holiday to celebrate all forms of love, including, of course, self-love! Self-love is the foundation for all your relationships, ultimately–with friends, family, and a romantic partner.

If you are new to the concept and the holiday, here’s a video to get you up to speed.

Let me highlight also that in 2017 it’s more important than ever to recognize that Quirkyalone Day is a celebration of independence.

This year I encourage to celebrate your independent voice and encourage you to use it to speak out!

Political leaders such as Elizabeth Warren are exhibiting this independent streak–and they deserve our support.

I look at the CNN video where Elizabeth Warren talks about being silenced when she tried to read Corretta Scott KIng’s letter on Jeff Sessions and I see people making nasty comments about her that are so similar to the 25-year campaign against Hillary. “Not an Elizabeth Warren fan. I find her loud, abrasive and a liar.” My sense is that any woman who is outspoken is going to get this kind of blowback from men and women. When are people going to wake up to their gender bias?

Just keep on trucking. Just keep on showing up with your quirkyalone spirit.

Here are some resources to brighten your day:
Quirkyalone Day Cards to share with friends, family–or with a quirkytogether partner (share this on social media or an invitation)

Nametags where guests can indicate if they are a quirkyalone, quirkytogether, quirkyslut, or in support of quirkyalones

Suggestions for what to do at your Quirkyalone Day party

Downloadable party pack of posters, nametags, etc.

Let us know how you celebrate!
xo
Sasha

Sex and the Single Quirkyalone: How to talk openly and honestly about sex . . . before you have sex

If you are a quirkyalone, and you’re looking for someone to be your life partner, you may find yourself single for an extended period: months or yearssssss. How do you keep touch, sexuality and sensuality present and alive in your life while you are single? How can we be “wet” when we are single?

To answer these questions, I’m taking a little tiptoe into the world of podcasting with this podcast with the great Carolyn Arnold, a social scientist, educational researcher, and friend. At the age of 58, Carolyn started a 50 Dates project to find her life partner. She found him by date 49! I’ve interviewed Carolyn about what she learned about loving herself while she went through the ups and downs of dating here. What’s interesting about Carolyn too is that she had a lot of lovers while she was looking for love because sex and touch are important to her. She didn’t want to be celibate and she knew she wanted healthy touch in her life.

In this podcast, I interview Carolyn about how to have lovers and have sexuality be present in your life when you are single and looking for a life partner, and don’t want to be celibate. How do you avoid the pitfalls of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, fantasy/illusion (I thought this was the start of something but he never called!), crossed boundaries, doing more than you really want to do, and more. In essence, we’re talking about how to have clear communication before you get busy and have clear access to your yes and your no at all times. We give you some scripts you can use even.

Carolyn is working on a memoir about her 50 First Dates Project, and in this podcast, we talk about what she learned about having having sex and lovers while looking for love. Carolyn has gone to many Northern California alternative relationship and sexuality seminars and she has learned a lot about how to set boundaries and communicate what you want with a partner in open, honest, loving communication. I’ve been on a parallel journey, and so Carolyn and I have often talked over her kitchen table about how to have conversations about sex when you are dating.

Here are some things we talk about in this conversation:
• How to have a conversation about sex before (or while) clothes come off to avoid misunderstandings and disappointment. We give you some scripts you can use to open a conversation about sex. In essence, the conversation starts with the question, “Do we want to be sexual?” Carolyn thinks you can have this conversation before anything happens. I think it’s a little more natural after kissing.
• The “monogamous mindset of dating” (if you start dating and quickly become exclusive, you can get awfully attached when you start having sex, but are you sure this is really the person you want to be with?)
• Being truly at choice in sex at every moment and why this is important to have access to your yes and your no at any moment, and never feel you have to finish what you started (you have to be able to say no so that you can truly say yes)
• What is sex (is it just intercourse, or can we have a more expansive definition that might or might not include intercourse and might feel like what you actually want to do?)
• How to have supportive lovers while you are dating and looking for “the one”
• Menopause and why you might want to keep your sexuality alive during your 40s (based on Carolyn’s experience)

Listen to the podcast here!

Why Wet and Not Juicy

You might have landed on my blog thinking you are going to read only about being quirkyalone, and now you’re thinking, What? What is this woman talking about . . . WETNESS?

I’m currently deeply immersed in writing a book where I’m developing a theory of wetness through my own story of sensual awakening to feel my power as a woman. This book is not going to be published and out in the world for at least two years. The Internet has gotten us accustomed to quick, digestible fix of “content.” Writing something of deep meaning and length can take time. I only hope that when the book is ready we are still able to read more than “listicles”!

As I write, I am eager to share as much as I can. The creative process percolates with both deep solitude and input from others.

So, with trepidation and excitement, yes, I am nervous, I am sharing this podcast conversation with you where I talk about what it means to be “wet.”

Being a modest New Englander, and knowing how our unfortunately pornified yet repressed U.S. culture is, I can hardly believe that I am titling this book Wet, or even that I am writing/publishing it at all, and yet, it seems to be my calling right now to share with you what I’ve learned in my own explorations over the last five years. There is a world of difference between being sexualized as an object and owning and enjoying your sensuality from the inside out, and that’s what this book will explore–what that owning and enjoying of our sensuality can do for us for beyond the bedroom.

In this awesome podcast, we talk about:
–Why wet and not juicy: we’re talking about being wet, deal with it!
–We have the idea that it’s important to explore your sexuality and sensuality in relationships, but why is that so important?
–Does pleasure have to be for something? Can’t it just be for its own sake?
–The relationship between pleasure and building our capacity and mindfulness.

As I am deeply immersed in writing this book and coaching women on sexuality and sensuality in their relationships and as single women, I’d love to hear your struggles, insights, questions, and more. After you listen, go ahead and leave me a comment or write me a mail.

With a blush in my face and hopefully yours,
Sasha

P.S. I have started to coach women on sexuality and sensuality in the last six months and I am absolutely loving the transformation that happens in women’s lives and relationships when I share these practices and ideas. You can learn more about my coaching services here. If the idea of “wet” sparks you there’s a good chance we would be a good fit to work together. I will help you find your “wet.”

How I Got Over My Single Shame

It can be scary for me to share my own story, but it’s also tremendously liberating to try to live a life without shame. Sharing my single shame story helps me to stand up straight and I know my story can be of service to others. So with that I am happy to share with you this awesome podcast with my friends Lindsay and Lani of Fuck Dating (“actually helpful banter about dating, relationships and all the bullshit and bliss that goes with them”) and you will hear me tell the story of how I got over my single shame and speak with honesty and vulnerability about my relationship history to a man that I was dating.

Shame is all about the secret. Accepting yourself is always the key. There is no way someone else can accept and love you if you don’t share with them who you really are. Just by talking about it with others, you break the secrecy. You can do that with a friend, a therapist, or with me first through one-on-one coaching. Breaking down the single shame so you can open up for the relationships you really want has become a huge focus of my coaching practice.

Single shame held me back from loving myself and truly connecting for many years. I don’t want that to be true for you.

Listen in to this podcast (click play above) and let us know what you think in a comment!

PS We also talk about how tango is is the perfect manifestation of quirkytogether in a dance. (You’ll hear how the awareness I gained through tango helped me to heal my shame and speak it out loud to a boyfriend.) Our next Quirky Heart Tango Adventure in Buenos Aires is May 23-30, so if you want to get your quirkyalone and quirkytogether on through dance, and become more confident on and off the dance floor, then come on down and join us.

Do what you love, and the partner will follow, a podcast with Nomadtopia

sashacagenturnedonlife

“Do what you love, and the partner will follow.” I wish someone had drilled that into my brain six years ago when I was stuck in a swamp of self-doubt, and I thought I needed to stay put in a life I did not enjoy, do the online dating treadmill, and meet a man before my expiration date made me unattractive (read: “unfertile.”)

That is why I want everyone who is single (or coupled) and questioning the best way to live their lives to listen to this podcast. My friend Amy Scott, the creator of Nomadtopia, interviewed me. Whether you have dreams of a location-independent lifestyle or not, listen in. We are talking about living the life you really want to lead and trusting that vitality and confidence will attract the people you are meant to meet. As opposed to sitting around and waiting to meet the “right partner” and then going off to live the life you want to lead.

Amy Scott is a writer and coach who helps people to create lives of freedom and adventure they really want. Amy has been on the location-independent path for over ten years. Amy and I first met when I was about to move to Buenos Aires. We have supported each other along the location-independent and quirkyalone paths. (Amy is married and I’m not, but we are both quirkyalones.)

Amy interviewed me for her Nomadtopia podcast, which is all about “real people living global lives,” sharing stories of inspiration so you can live and work wherever your heart desires. We talked about my the life churn I’m chronicling in my new book (in progress) Wet that led me to these realizations about doing what I love first, my Quirky Tango Adventure in Buenos Aires, the importance of leading the life you really want to lead and questioning societal packages–for example, getting married or buying a house doesn’t necessarily mean “settling down” and being in a relationship doesn’t necessarily mean being joined at the hip.

Here are some of my favorite parts, and be sure to give the entire podcast a listen.

Reclaiming quirkyalone: it’s about being happy on your own firstSasha: “The limited idea of quirkyalone I was running away from was that it’s just about being happy single. There can be this overreaction about reclaiming singlehood where people then flatten out the concept and think it’s just about being happy single. There are people who are totally committed to being single and that’s wonderful and appropriate because that’s how they feel, maybe they change their minds or not, that’s great, but that’s never what quirkyalone was about.”

“The word alone has 2,000 meanings. For me ‘alone’ means an independence of spirit and you approve of yourself. Classically when I came up with ‘quirkyalone’ it was about being willing to going to a wedding alone as opposed to with a date because going with a date is social convention. You’re willing to live your life and it goes to the level of Nomadtopia. You’re willing to leave your life and go off on this adventure alone because that is what you really want to do.”Read More

HuffPost Live Chat on Ma’am vs. Miss


I was really happy to participate in this HuffPost Live interview on how we address women. Being asked whether I am a señora or señorita here in Argentina has me pondering again ma’am vs. miss and why we women are asked these questions and referred to by our age, marital or virginity status. I’ve blogged here and here about how our language shapes gender and our perception of ourselves. It’s time we have one word to address women–maybe when we are all Ma’ams then the sting is gone. Or when we start to respect older women then being ma’am will truly feel like respect. It might be time to think about shifting our language. France and Germany have!