Questions from readers: If you’re quirkyalone, how can you be quirkytogether? (Plus a free call!)

I’ve been getting great questions from my readers as I start talking more about being quirkytogether. Questions open up a chance for dialogue and dialogue always helps us to learn more. If you have questions, bring them on!

they're not lovers, they're quirkytogethers, from my book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics

they’re not lovers, they’re quirkytogethers, from my book Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics

Here are couple of great questions that have come in about the Quirkytogether 101 course.

Leslie shares: “I was very excited when I heard about your book Quirkyalone. I felt for the first time that being quirky AND alone (which is my preferred state) is okay. I am 67, attractive, busy, and fortunately healthy. I married in 1970 and divorced in 1976. I have had many long-term relationships over the years and found them all a struggle. I revel in being alone and feel stronger because of it. I am a mother of two, and grandmother of two. That being said, I am saddened by your recent turn toward Quirkytogether. I was hoping for more discussion re being alone and truly happy that way.

Perhaps things have happened in your own personal life which have changed your focus. And that is wonderful if that is working for you. I wish I had gotten to know you sooner when you were truly Quirkyalone.”

Sasha responds: Thanks for sharing your story with me. Let me be clear. I’m still truly quirkyalone! Whether I’m single or partnered, I consider myself quirkyalone. Quirkyalone stands for freedom for all of us to create the lives that most suit us. The essence of quirkyalone is that you don’t date simply out of social obligation or convention. The quirkyalone movement has always stood up to say that our experience can be rich when we are single or coupled.

I spent half of the last three years traveling alone in South America and this experience changed me from turned-off to a super turned-on lady (that’s the subject of the memoir I’m working on), so I too revel in my time alone and advocate for the possibilities of singledom.

I also love exploring quirkytogether. I’m 100% for quirkyalone. And I’m 100% for quirkytogether. In this way, my work is unique. I support the quirky spirit of the individual, whether that person is single or coupled.

At its deepest level, quirkyalone is about connection: connecting to yourself first and then from that place of self-acceptance, connecting with others. A quirkytogether relationship is not a necessity, but it’s a wonderful possibility, and I am interested in possibility and connection.

For you and other readers who have no interest in quirkytogether romantic relationships, there are authors who are writing about committed singles: people who want to stay single. For example, you may wish to check out the sociologist Bella de Paulo. I’m continuing to write about quirkyness in all its forms, which includes quirkyalone, quirkytogether, and soon to come: quirkysensual! Watch out!

David asks: “I am somewhat confused here. If someone is quirkyalone, how could one be quirkytogether? I have been alone all of my life. Seems like an oxymoron to me. I don’t understand. I am a romantic, fun-loving artist, but I know that I just don’t fit into the females’ idea of a partner. So I am by myself…”

Sasha responds: “Good question! Quirkyalones become quirkytogether when they find themselves in a relationship (sometimes we even think of a friendship as quirkytogether). When a relationship is free and allows us to be who we are, we call it quirkytogether. Quirkyalones who are in quirkytogether relationships consciously design their relationships. This might mean time for travel, creativity, time with friends, or an open relationship. A quirkytogether relationship is up to the two people to define, and the possibilities are infinite.

When you say you don’t ‘fit into females’ idea of a partner,’ I hear a limiting belief. This is great, because you are expressing something that can be quite common among quirkyalones. Because we value independence and bountiful me time, or we just feel “quirky,” it’s easy to assume, “Oh, nobody’s going to want me. I don’t fit the idea of a partner.” As soon as you start to believe that no one would want you, that easily becomes true.

Here’s my version of this. Because I like to travel and live in different cities for two to three months at a time, I often would think to myself, no one will want to really commit to me. Or I would think the same thing because I’m a woman and I’m creative and ambitious, I can’t combine with someone else. These were all limiting beliefs.

Our beliefs influence what happens in our lives. If I believe that there is a someone out there for me who can tolerate and even love my quirks, and we get to design our relationship together, I am living in a radically different headspace where much more is possible.

When we start to really appreciate ourselves, people respond to us very differently. We might want a relationship that looks different from that “norm,” and that’s OK. That’s the beauty of this world and the moment we live in now: the freedom to create our lives however we want.

That’s what our class Quirkytogether 101 is all about. Going from a belief in impossibility to a belief in possibility. Sometimes quirkyalone types can get comfortable being single, so this class is really a way for quirkyalones to come together and imagine and manifest what it would like to be quirkytogether.

Click HERE to get all the details and join us! Banish those limiting beliefs, create your vision of what can be possible! I’m super excited about this class and the sense of possibility we are going to open up in life and love together.

Join us for a lunchtime or coffee break group phone chat next Tuesday, July 23 at noon Pacific time.

My Quirkytogether 101 co-teacher Sue Vittner and I are going to host a 20-minute free call a few days before Quirkytogether 101 starts. This call is a chance to continue the conversation about the connections between quirkyalone and quirkytogether, for you to ask questions and for all of us to riff. You’ll be able to type in questions on a live chat and we’ll answer them.

Sign up on this email list to get the call-in details.

It will be a fun afternoon coffee break, join us!


me and my favorite quirky beverage, home-brewed kombucha!

me and my favorite quirky beverage, home-brewed kombucha!

I want to add one feature that you’ll get in every email newsletter! Quirkyspotting! I will share one quirky thing I noticed every week in my own life or pop culture. Feel free to send me one to share.

Today is Kombucha, my favorite quirky beverage. I am loving home-brewing kombucha, especially with the big slimy mushroom scobie floating around the jar and all the weird stuff floating around! It’s so alive and always changing and always fascinates–the tendrils of the scobie are most definitely quirky! Here’s me and a glass of my home-brewed stuff. I always thought it would be a big production to make my own kombucha but it’s easy. Go for it! Here’s a good recipe.

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Posted in Advice, Quirkyalone, Quirkytogether
One comment on “Questions from readers: If you’re quirkyalone, how can you be quirkytogether? (Plus a free call!)
  1. Sue Vittner says:

    Thank you Sasha for diving into these questions and for sharing your limiting beliefs. My process of discovering that I had the ability to create a relationship, rather than fall into one that others expected of me has been so freeing. And your term quirkytogether describes it to a T. So excited to offer this space of discovery in our class!

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Coaching with Sasha

coachwithsasha Sasha is a modern-day explorer whose curiosity about why we are the way we are, how we can become better, happier, more self-accepting and fulfilled, more wet people, has inspired her own journeys and adventures and paved the way for deeper explorations for others as well. She works one-on-one with quirkyalone women to help them become more fulfilled in their lives and relationships. Learn more about individual coaching.

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Praise from Readers and Coaching Clients

"It is liberating to bust out of the confines of prescribed roles and be 100% myself. Quirkyalone coaching is empowering.”—Barbara Berry, 43, Gainesville Florida

"You write what we know (in some deep hidden place) but that needs to be said. in other words, you're developing something fundamental. Quirk might just be a tad left of center, slightly outside our peripheral vision. but a much more comfortable, truer place to stand."--Alexandra Joy Forman, Rio de Janeiro, author of a book of inner quirk, Tall, Slim and Erect: Portraits of the Presidents

“Sasha's coaching helped me get unstuck to pursue my passions. If you want dedicated support in creating a more fulfilling life, I highly recommend working with Sasha.”—Jennifer Ludders

“In her writing, Sasha Cagen is up to something that could be as important for women (and men) as The Feminine Mystique was years ago: We aren’t just halves of couples; we are distinct individuals—as complete and potentially happy alone as we are with our families and lovers.”— Barbara Ehrenreich, veteran muckraker and author best known for Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America.

"Sasha Cagen is something of a hero for the growing ranks of singletons who are learning to feel secure with their status, and she is often their public face. She appears frequently on popular national television and radio programs to explain that going solo is a viable, legitimate, and not necessarily lonely way to dwell in a city—a point that is surprisingly controversial given how many people are already living alone.”-- Eric Klinenberg, professor of sociology at NYU and author of Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone

"In her classes and coaching, Sasha has a way of making you feel like you are sitting in a coffee house, just chatting and discovering the best parts about you."--Beth, 35, Richmond, Virginia

"Sasha helped me get to a place where I could begin to love myself, flaws, fears, and all."--Valerie Bosselait, 50′s, small business owner, Amherst, Massachusetts

"I had a wonderful time in the Quirky Tango Adventure: the tango lessons with Alejandro, massages from Nele, and the group circles and other meaningful conversations with individuals who were part of the experience. In particular I appreciated the sincerity and openness of our conversations. I met a lot of fantastic, beautiful, amazing women who were quirkyalones (or quirkytogethers)."--Amanda, early thirties, Portland, Oregon

"Orgasmic pioneer Sasha Cagen is on a vulnerable and potent personal research mission into the world of sensuality, and she's got some fantastic reports from the front."--Michele Lisenbury Christensen

"The book proposal for Wet made me blush, and made me want to read more."--Tara Gentile