Coaching is about learning to tune into what you want, and clearing out the voices that tell you you can’t have it. This session my client didn’t want to talk about her career. That had been the primary focus working together. This time she wanted to talk about finding a new lover. So we switched gears for a session. Everything is connected. What we discover in her approach to looking for a lover could help us understand how she approaches moving forward in her career.

I asked her what she wanted in a lover, and what had worked in the past to find one? Dancing, she said. When she lived out west, she would go out dancing and amaze her friends with her ability to reliably pull in men. She had a sensual shrug in her shoulders. (She showed me over Skype and I could believe it.) Now she lives in New York and she had not been able to find the right kind of club to go dancing. The only places where people danced, she said, people were drunk and out to score or grope, and the dancing did not have the natural, uninebriated quality that she likes. Continue Reading →

Thanks to my friend Agnes for sharing this video with me. As I coach clients, I found two things that struck me in this talk.

1) Shame represents our fear of disconnection. We are ashamed by what we fear will separate us from others; we fear some part of us will be judged unworthy, I have always been fueled by shame in my writing–there is so much juice in our shame that helps us to connect with others when we express what we are ashamed about. My Quirkyalone book (and the quirkyalone movement) come to mind (expressing the shame of persistent singledom) and I have always found shame to be great creative fuel for connection with others. Expressing the charge we feel about our shame can be fuel for connecting in our relationships as well.

2) Vulnerability is the key to feeling more connection and joy. Being willing to be vulnerable and to invest in a relationship when you are not sure of the outcome is one of the characteristics of people who feel worthy of being loved–and feel more joy in their lives.

Next week I am thrilled to be part of a new experiment bringing tango and nature together at an overnight milonga at the rustic West Point Inn.

To warm up the group, I am giving a workshop called “Beyond the Steps: The Essence of Tango.” There are still spaces to come for the afternoon and evening. Here are the details for the full event.

And here are the details for my workshop:
Beyond the Steps: The Essence of Tango
Saturday, November 19, 3pm at the West Point Inn Continue Reading →

Come join me tonight at a benefit reading to support John Avalos, candidate for mayor in San Francisco. John is a fantastically real human being (outrageously real for a politician) and I met him 11 years ago when we were both on the communications team for another progressive mayoral candidate, Tom Ammiano. He supports my values and I support him! I’ll be reading on the question of “The San Francisco You Want to See.”

Here’s what I’m reading. Continue Reading →

Would you like to get support to go after what you want in your life? Coaching is a way to help you identify what you want, and to go for it. I’m experimenting with a new adventure in coaching. We’re going to create a game based on your own life.

As part of this new adventure, I am sponsoring a contest. Three lucky souls who want to grow and support others in their growth will get to play. Continue Reading →