Blog Archives

Tango and the Kama Sutra

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Demonstrating a figure (though still with connection)

Such a great little speech in tango class today at the Dinzel Studio from Camelo, a Colombian tango teacher who is the son of one of my first tango teachers, Leyda, who lives in Cali (Colombia).

Here it goes. “If you have a lover, which of these two lovers do you want? Do you want the lover who knows all the positions from the Kama Sutra? Or do you want the lover who has a real sense of quality connection, who tunes into sensation, in the moment, with a real quality?” Everyone in the class chose the second option. “Maybe if you were a teenager you would want the Kama Sutra lover, but as you get older you know that you want the second kind. So it is with tango. You waste energy on all these figures. You lose out on the essence of tango if you don’t cultivate the connection.”

Figures are fancy dance steps. What matters most in tango is the connection. People get bored and try out more fancy figures in tango (or positions in sex) because they have not actually just tuned into the connection of the moment. To drop in. Breathe. And actually feel the connection. Which is what makes both things delicious.

Bravo! We don’t get speeches like that from our tango teachers in the States.

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Posted in Sex, Travels

Quirky Character: Leo Jara and His Creative Response to Climate Change

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Today I’m introducing a new feature. . . it’s called Quirky Characters. I’m starting this feature because I’m a quirky-character magnet. My life is interesting because I attract people who have chosen to live in different ways or who simply emanate a quirky, innovative outlook on how they live their lives. They suggest new ways for us to look at how we live our lives and our world. So I’m going to take this part of my life and share it with you because I think these Quirky Characters deserve a bigger audience.

Leo Jara directly confronting climate change outside the eco-villa

The first official Quirky Character is Argentine Leonardo Jara, an eco-dreamer (he calls himself a “loco” [crazy]) who is building a sustainable community on the Tigre river just outside of Buenos Aires entirely out of trash. He calls it the Echo Movement. Why Echo? I asked. “It’s poetry.” He said. Each little pod of sustainable development will be an echo to others all over the world to create their own sustainable eco-villas: places that have been created to be sustainable, autonomous, and in harmony with the natural environment.

the eco-villa in all its recycled glory, Tigre, Bueno Aires, Argentina

Leo bought this land thirteen years ago when he was 23. Over the last four years, over 600 volunteers (travelers/backpackers/couchsurfers who have come through and spent a day or a week working with him) have constructed a little house made almost exclusively of recycled materials. Everything they use is someone else’s trash: the pots, wood, toilet, mattresses, lamps, wood, chairs, refrigerator, everything. Nothing was purchased (except for some materials for the roof and its system to convert rain water into drinking water). Everything was scavenged or given to them by neighbors. Who, by the way, all have very cute, fancy little weekend cottages and normal lawns–it’s quite the contrast between the wild eco-villa and the weekend homes surrounding it. (Imagine a band of environmental anarchists creating a community in the middle of the Hamptoms. Kind of like that.) Read more ›

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Posted in Argentina, Quirky Characters, Travels

How to Turn Your Complaints into Joy (aka my first pot-banging protest in Argentina)

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we were there!

When I first got interested in South America, I spent a lot of time in Brazil (my first South American love as a country) and I heard the saying, “Brazilians party and Argentines protest.” Indeed. Argentines were born to protest. It just seems to be in their genes. Few Argentines dance tango but many talk politics. Argentines are also really good at complaining and looking at the complexities of life, but that’s another story.

The anti-government 8N protest (or cacerolazo, pot-banging protest) in Buenos Aires this past Thursday was spectacular. I’ve never been to a protest quite like it. I met up with two Colombian friends (one of whom has been living here for four years, so she has her things to protest about) on Santa Fe, one of the main avenues with people streaming into the downtown Obelisk, and we joined in for the ride. The streams of people blew us away. We have no protest tradition like this in the U.S. or Colombia where it is a mainstream activity to go out in the streets with hundreds of thousands of people and cheerfully bang on pots and pans to speak your complaint about politics. The crowd was diverse: Girls in their Catholic school outfits, mothers pushing strollers, elderly folks, everyone. People seemed so happy and alive and dignified streaming down the streets. Protesting seems to alchemize complaint into joy. Read more ›

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Posted in Argentina, Travels

Ten Ways I’m Settling into My New Life in Buenos Aires

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Dear readers! Dear me! It’s been almost a month since I posted. My life has gone topsy-turvy since moving to Buenos Aires. I’ve been here almost a month now and I finally feel ground below me, enough to post again.

To make sense of it I will make a list of all the things I’ve been getting used to in this new version of life, so far south on the globe:

The colors in the kitchen are my absolute favorite–aqua and green. This place was made for me.

1) A new apartment: It is the tendency of Americans to plan ahead. Everyone in San Francisco asked me, “Do you know where you are staying?” And I said, “No. I will look when I get there.” As a veteran traveler I know that planning sometimes is not the best way and the best thing to do is just show up. My theory worked. i wound up choosing the first place I saw, two days after I arrived, a gorgeous little one-bedroom owned by a tango teacher that actually feels a lot like home, exquisite aesthetic, a balcony overlooking a tree and a very beautiful street.)

2) A new schedule: When someone asks me to have a drink, he wants to get together at 11 pm. The milongas–events where we go out to dance tango–often get going at midnight and go until 4 am. I often went to bed in San Francisco between 11 pm and midnight. It’s taken me a full month to adjust and not feel terminally groggy during the day.

3) A new climate: Hot! Humid! It’s only primavera (spring) but it’s already in the 90s. What will it be like by January? The humidity however is great for my skin. Read more ›

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Posted in Argentina, Travels

You Can’t Be Unhappy When You Are Doing the Chichoky

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It’s the first week of my current adventure in South America and it’s not been without its difficulties, adapting to a gluten-free life in a country where people don’t know what gluten is. But all cares melt away when you do the Chichoky! I love this dance. The first video above shows some adorable little kids dancing Chichoky, a dance that is unique to Cali. The second is instructional so you can try it too.

Last night I went out to one of my favorite dance clubs in Cali where people’s bodies are so loose, they are so twirly in their turns, and the dance floor is a free-for-all of varied styles. After two hours of salsa, one of the famous dance instructors Canelo led everyone in a tribal Chichoky. Everyone left couple formation and lined up behind him. Think Macarena but way better. A lot of hopping back forth and hands way up in the air, it’s almost like a worship of the moment. All cares are evaporated by the Chichoky.

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Posted in Colombia, Quirkyness, Travels

Faith and Heartbreak

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I am in Colombia (Cali, to be exact) where I am beginning my 4-6 month experiment in location-independent working in South America. And it is not so easy, as the beginnings of most big adventures often are not. I came to Cali for two weeks before heading to Buenos Aires. I first discovered tango here, and that’s an odd thing because Cali is the world capital of salsa. I wanted to see my old tango teachers, who teach in a more playful, freewheeling style than teachers in San Francisco or Buenos Aires. I wanted to feel the vibe of this magnetic, jolie-laide (ugly-beautiful) city so that I can write about it with more color in the memoir I am working on. Read more ›

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Posted in My Life, Travels

Pre-Trip Anxiety

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A shoe store in my living room

Before I leave on a big trip, there is always at least one thing that I focus all my anxiety on. Usually it’s shoes. I ordered 10 pairs of shoes from Zappo’s at three days before leaving in the quest for a comfortable travel sandal. I found two that work and I’ll return eight. Two out of ten is a pretty good success rate. Preparing for a big trip has a way of making me feel crazy, but I didn’t say that.

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Posted in My Life, Travels

How to Find the Magic in Your Own Backyard

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1. Pretend you are traveling
2. Apply a traveler’s eyes to your own backyard
3. Step outside your routine and create an experience that you would associate with a vacation or another, faraway land

Let us know how it goes.

Here is my most recent experience of finding the magic in my own backyard.

Agnes about to board the go—-ndola

Our Venetian gondolier and me–this man can sing!

All aboard with champagne

My friend Agnes and I decided to embrace out-of-the-ordinary pleasure on a Wednesday night. Agnes came over to Oakland, which is in itself remarkable since everyone in Oakland usually visits San Francisco. I invited her to come on a gondola ride with me on Lake Merritt, the neighborhood where I live. I’ve known about the gondola rides for a year and drive or walk around the lake every day. I’ve been waiting for the right moment, perhaps the right man, but then, I decided the right man is my dear friend Agnes.

First, we got giddy after oysters and wine at the Lake Chalet, which is where the gondolas launch. Our tall, handsome gondolier greeted us. He was wearing a black and white striped shirt, black pants, and oh my god, he was Italian. From Venice, no less. “Welcome!” He guided us out on the deck to the gondola, which he tells us, is a “real one” made in Venice. The moon had risen, and we were over the moon. As he stood on the back of the boat rowing, we asked him about the correct pronunciation, since Agnes, Polish, and I, American, say the word differently. “Go-ndola,” he told us. “Close the ‘o’, and make it like go-ing.” The gondola rocked back and forth, I felt like a baby being rocked, soothed, with the full moon bright above us sparkling down on the water, we popped open our champagne to drink. Alessandro started to sing to us in Italian. I do believe that Agnes and I gripped each other’s hands in response.

Alessandro told us later he came to the US to do a postdoc at UC Berkeley. Not in gondola studies. In electrical engineering; he has not been able to get work in his field, so he works here. His mother is not happy with this situation. Someone please get this man a job in his field. But before you do, go ride the gondola at Lake Merritt!

And tell me, what have you done or do you want to do to experience the magic in your own backyward? How do you see your own home and everyday life with fresh eyes?

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Posted in Advice, Travels

Buenos Aires Here I Come!

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A lovely tango couple in San Telmo my friend and I stumbled upon last time in BA–oooh, the street passion

Soon I’m headed back to South America, first to Cali, Colombia, one of my favorite places on the planet (where I first discovered tango), for a visit of ten days, and then to Buenos Aires, where I am going to do my first test of location-independent working and reconnect with tango at the source. I’ll stay in BA for the fall and maybe a little longer.

When I came back from my 2010 travels in South America, I made a list of what I want in life, and one thing on the list is the ability to spend 2-3 months a year in another country so that I feel fresh and alive, outside the bubble of the United States. Although people called that adventure “the trip of a lifetime” I knew that I didn’t want that to be the last. I wanted to have many trips of a lifetime! This is how I would like to do it.

This time, my intention is to keep working and tap into my creativity in South America. I’ll be working remotely, part of the whole “location-independent” trend. This will be an experiment for me. I’ll stay at least for the fall, renting an apartment and basically continuing my life as I live it here–only dancing tango later (tango starts at 9 or 10 in SF and 11 or 12 in BA!). I’ll be working on my memoir,and recreating this website with some cool new programs for readers to come–please sign up on the mailing list to stay in the loop! Read more ›

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Posted in Argentina, Celiac + Gluten-Free, Travels

The Mystical Draw To Asheville

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Soulfull graffiti in downtown Asheville.

Asheville, North Carolina is a well-kept secret that is getting out. Just as San Francisco and New York are full of transplants, so is Asheville; the transplants are people looking for a small city stitched together by a love for nature, music, arts and the healing arts. People speak of being “mystically drawn” to Asheville. They come from all over, and many originally lived in San Francisco or New York, then moved to Oakland or Brooklyn, and found they wanted a smaller place still.I thought that was just me, and it turns out there is a trickling migration of people just like me, who want the same open-minded, artsy, healthy vibe and who want it in a more calm place that promotes community. A tango teacher told me that Asheville is a small-town version of the San Francisco of 25 years ago, before the Silicon Valley giants came and that and other factors changed a hippie town into a digital-power-hub.

I got my hair cut while I visited Asheville, and my hairdresser estimated that 60% of the people she has met moved from elsewhere. The town itself is not the south. Travel a half-hour outside the city to go tubing or slide down a natural rock slide, and you hear Southern accents, but inside Asheville, the accents are diverse. Still, there is a lot of “y’all.”

I visited Asheville with one of my best friends, Griet. Griet is Belgian and had been living in North Carolina with her boyfriend in Chapel Hill. We couchsurfed with Ben, who opened his apartment to us for a week and who describes himself as a wandering mystic. Ben is all about love. He wears a fair-trade, Jesus-style robe at least half the time, even when he bikes (no car), to the chagrin of his teenager daughters. He and his daughters are Quakers and taught me a lot about the Quaker culture as we sipped tea at a remarkable tea lounge in downtown Asheville. I learned the theory of waiting three times to speak at a Quaker meeting. Wait til the impulse strikes you three times before you dare to stand up and share the message God is channeling through you. We also went to a chocolate lounge together. Asheville has three chocolate lounges–this is a town that is serious about pleasure. Ben took us to a contra dance, where the contra dancers are hip and young and cute, and we took Ben and his daughter to a tango lesson. Asheville’s tango community is tiny but they do have one incredible tango-yoga class.

Asheville is very family-friendly, and we often saw young people frolicking with their kids. Here at a street arts festival.

My curiosity about Asheville had been intense, and I myself considered moving there. The idea first came on in Salento, Colombia, where I was traveling through the coffee zone mountains last year. I felt so awed and peaceful in the mountains, and had an awakening of sorts. I love the mountains! Either I didn’t know that about myself before, or I never loved the mountains so much. A peace among the green descended on me. During that week, I met a Colombian family who live in North Carolina. They told me, “Come to North Carolina! Asheville was written up by a women’s magazine as the number one place for women to reinvent themselves! You should move there!” A day later, I met a couple from Atlanta who had taken a year off to travel through Central and South America and Asia. They too encouraged me to move to Asheville. The universe pointed me that way, and I considered visiting that fall, but I wound up staying in Colombia longer then getting sick. It turned out that getting sick spurred my celiac diagnosis and that whole trip has consumed much of this year.

But back to Asheville. We visited the Asheville Movement Collective, which hosted ecstatic dance gatherings on Sunday mornings. The gathering felt much more connected than the ecstatic dance gathering I visited in Oakland. Ecstatic dance, or Five Rhythyms, promotes individual, free, creative body expression to music as a way to connect with your inner self and with others. The dance was held in a barn-like structure, and the first time is free for newcomers. I made much more eye contact in Asheville than in Oakland. Not sexy, just playful and fun. After the dance, everyone gathers in a circle to say what is present for them in that moment. Exactly that moment. These are Quaker-like utterances too, one only speaks if one is called to. And they are short and touching. I love this kind of stuff. Yes, it feels like church to me. A church of the body, in a way. Afterward people make announcements and it is absolutely striking that fifteen of the sixty or so people there are hosting a healing arts workshop of some kind over the next month. Shamanic journeys, Body Widsom training, Holistic Nutrition, Feldenkreis, you name it, they are doing it. And how do these hippies find enough paying clients for these workshops into their inner worlds? We couldn’t quite figure out the economy in Asheville. So many massage therapists, who is paying for those massages? Are they just trading?

There is money in Asheville, that’s for sure. Plenty of tourism and fine dining. So tourists are getting massages, that must be part of the explanation. The restaurants are impressive. In fact, there is the most incredibly entirely gluten-free fine dining restaurant Posana Cafe. It’s run by a couple, and the wife is celiac. I thought I had died and gone to heaven. There is a place where I can order a range of meals without deep inquiry with the waitress. Posana alone is reason enough for a celiac to make the pilgrimmage to Asheville. And may there be more Posana-type restaurants across the nation and the world!

There are not many black people in Asheville, or at least not downtown. We rode the bus two days. The bus was full of people of color as we rolled through the projects. But downtown, most of the few black people we saw were panhandling. The famous weekly drum circle in the middle of town–which has become a tourist attraction–was almost exclusively white. Asheville’s one major failing from our point of view was a lack of diversity. The percentage of the U.S. population as a whole that is African-American (black only) in 2010 is 12.6% and in Asheville the percentage of non-Hispanic black people in 2000 was 7.2%. Why there seemed to be so few black middle class people lingers as a question for me. In this post, one black woman describes the demolition of an area with many black-owned businesses in the 1960s to make way for projects.

Griet said she couldn’t live in a place like Asheville with so little diversity. I could see her point, but at the same time, I have lived in few places that feel truly diverse. San Francisco is literally diverse but in actuality, people rarely mixed. It’s tribal, and people stay within their tribes. Oakland is the only truly diverse American city where I have ever lived–I love the way that cultures rub up against each other here and people are so comfortable with interacting. But I would live in Asheville for a time, I think.

A piano player who plays every Monday morning at a downtown cafe. Asheville is like that--live piano music integrated into the everyday. He serenaded me and Griet on my birthday and we danced. Later we found out that he and his girlfriend rent out their apartment for a tang-yoga-breath class, which we attended the next evening.

Asheville is a place for artists, and aspiring artists, and to explore your creativity in ways that you might not have considered before–for your own enjoyment and growth, rather than for money, glory, or career. It’s clearly a collaborative city where people work together on projects and support each other. We met one guy from LA, a filmmaker who had come to Asheville for a few months to recharge doing yoga and meditation, and running around being present in a small place. I can definitely see Asheville being that kind of place for me–a recharging retreat for creative inspiration. It’s not the mountain town I imagined in Colombia. It’s actually more of a city than those mountain town were. You need to drive outside the city to feel the mountains. In those Colombian mountain towns the feeling of being surrounded by glorious green was all around you, all the time. So there you go. . . maybe I will live in both places, for a spell. Life is longer that way.

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Posted in Travels
Hola

I'm Sasha Cagen and I'm the author of Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics and To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us Join me in celebrating the quirky in all of us and all around us in my online course GetQuirky.
Q & A
How do I get in touch with you?To email me, write me at sasha AT sashacagen DOT com.
Where are you? I'm in Buenos Aires writing, teaching, coaching, and dancing tango. I'll be in Oakland, California starting in late June 2013 doing the same.
How can I stay in touch with you?To follow my work (books, courses, events), join my mailing list and you'll get weekly inspiration for your quirky life..
How do I learn more about what you do? Read my about page.
What's the whole quirky thing about? Read this.
How can I work with you? You can join me for the next session of my class GetQuirky to go for an adventure: 30 days of creative self-acceptance with kindred spirits to witness and support you. You can inquire about one-on-one coaching and creative consulting.
Is there something I should be planning for? Yes. Get psyched for my upcoming quirkysensual travel adventures where I will be leading personal growth adventures with a quirkysensual and travel twist. Get on the early information list here.
What's your next book? I'm working on my third book right now. It will take you through what I learned on my unplanned adventures through South America. It's about pleasure, the body, sex, shame, love, and all the really good stuff and you want to jump on my mailing list to be aware of publication details and maybe even get a sneak peek!
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