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What if your life didn’t go according to “the plan”?

Posted on March 13, 2013 by sasha — 18 Comments ↓

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Last week I had a weird Twitter experience. (I don’t participate in Twitter very much so almost any experience is weird.)

A journalist from Brooklyn (who checked out my book Quirkyalone from his library) tweeted a blog post to me and asked me for my opinion. The post was called “Why Developing Serious Relationships in Your 20s Matters.” It was written by Elizabeth Spiers, the founding editor of the gossip website Gawker and a highly accomplished woman in digital media.

I’ll summarize the post’s argument. If you are an ambitious twenty-something, pay as much attention to your romantic relationships as your work and practice being in a committed relationship. If you don’t, you will be more or less f*$^$%^, because it will be much harder to learn those relationship skills in your thirties. Then you’ll be sorry.

My tweet in response was “people continue learning how to love and be w others their whole lives so i don’t like a fear-based attitude of ‘too late.’”

That was my 140-character response. I’ll say more here. I instinctively recoil to any advice about how to “architect a life” as if there is one way to do it. The author of that post mentors young employees about running a successful business.

But running a life is not like running a business. Life is more of a mystery.

There is no age limit on love. And there is no one-sized-fits-all plan for how to live your life. Read more ›

Like this? Share it! Sign up for my mailing list to get weekly inspiration for your quirky life. To get even more inspired, read one of my books Quirkyalone or To-Do List and join us for the next session of my class GetQuirky which starts in July 2013.

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Posted in Advice, Life as adventure, Quirkyalone, Quirkyness

Spinsters, old maids, and changing ideas about being single on Quirkyalone Day 2013

Posted on February 17, 2013 by sasha — No Comments ↓

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Here’s me talking about spinsters, old maids, and how our ideas about being single have changed on this Quirkyalone Day 2013 on a wonderful hourlong NPR show out of Illinois. This was a great conversation with lots of smart callers calling in about cross-cultural ideas about singlehood and coupling, the birth rate, how we treat older people who live alone and how our society must step up to the plate to support them more, and much more.

The host asked me what would happen when I do find my soul mate. . . will this be the end of the road for quirkyalone?

I told him I will model quirkytogetherness with my partner. I talk about my ideal quirkytogether union at the end.

Here’s the show. Give it a listen and enjoy.

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Posted in Press, Quirkyalone

Happy Quirkyalone Day! Here are the activities for Thursday (NPR and a Tele-Party)

Posted on February 13, 2013 by sasha — No Comments ↓

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International Quirkyalone Day (February 14) is upon us! Ten years ago I founded Quirkyalone Day as an alternative to Valentine’s Day to celebrate all forms of love, including love for yourself. No one is left out on IQD. And our holiday is still going strong.

This year here are the activities I have planned for Thursday, February 14. Hope you will partake and let me know how you are celebrating Quirkyalone Day.

I’LL BE ON NPR — YOU CAN CALL IN
I’ll be a guest on an hourlong discussion on an Illinois NPR show called the Focus. The subject is “the relationship bias–it will be about people who choose to and enjoy living alone.” Listen here. The show, Focus, is also on Facebook and Twitter and they take feedback from the show through both sites.

The show airs from 10-11 central time, so that’s 8-9 pacific time, and 11-12 east coast time.

IQD TELE-PARTY
The first-ever virtual International Quirkyalone Day Tele-Party will be this Thursday, February 14 at 3 pm PT/6 pm ET (that’s US time–please adjust time zone accordingly for you).

I will share Quirkyalone Day greetings and inspiration and answer your questions. You can also share your greetings with others. You’ll also be able to submit a question in advance.

You can call in or listen online. It’s gonna be fun and historic, I hope you will join us, and it will help get you bubbly whether you are quirkyalone or quirkytogether this February 14.

To get the call in information, please sign up for my mailing list. I will be sending out instructions for how to participate before the Tele-Party.

SPREAD THE LOVE WITH IQD CARDS
We have lots of gorgeous Quirkyalone Day cards for you to spread the love this year: paper cards and online cards. Here are the paper cards and here are the electronic cards.

Happy IQD!

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Posted in Quirkyalone

Calling in the One, or, When a Quirkyalone Is Ready to Become Quirkytogether

Posted on October 8, 2012 by sasha — 3 Comments ↓

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Earlier this year I stumbled on a website for a seven-week online course Calling in the One. The website looked pink and frilly. Not for me. Then I listened to a free call from the creators Katherine Woodward Thomas and Claire Zammit and immediately I knew this course was for me. Why? They described my situation to a tee.

Yearning for a great love relationship and at the same time in despair about my ability to actually attract and sustain one.

I signed up for their seven-week course last June. The course absolutely rocked my world and gave me so much insight into myself and my patterns in love. In painful ways. Painful and necessary. I grew so much by taking this course. They are opening up another session of this October and registration is still open until Thursday, October 11, so I want to share this course with you now and encourage you to take it.

Their message is profound and simple. The real obstacles to attracting love are not outside us, but within us. Read more ›

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Posted in My Life, Quirkyalone

Me and Quirkyalone on Globo, Brazil’s Largest TV Channel

Posted on August 21, 2012 by sasha — No Comments ↓

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Those of you who follow my work know that I fell in love with South America in 2009 and spent six months in Brazil in 2010 (and then went on to Colombia and Argentina). Those travels are the subject of the memoir I’m writing now.

My book Quirkyalone had already been published in Brazil in 2005 and now the concept is getting even more attention in one of the fastest-growing economies in the world. Globo, Brazil’s largest national media channel did a 20-minute special on the global phenomenon of people embracing singlehood rather than treating it like a disease. I’m on at 1:12 (in English) telling the “creation story” of quirkyalone of how I first came up this this idea on New Year’s Day 2000–and then we have all kinds of stories and analysis about people living single and/or alone in Brazil, the US, Sweden, worldwide. A great special, especially if like me you have a sweet spot for that lilting, lyrical Brazilian Portuguese. Check it out here!

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Posted in Press, Quirkyalone, Video

When Secret Single Behavior Is No Longer Secret

Posted on February 25, 2012 by sasha — No Comments ↓

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This year’s Bay Area Quirkyalone Day party was a wild card–and in the end, awesome.

For the last two Quirkyalone Days, I was away in South America. This year, I decided, let’s bring IQD back. I nailed down the venue–the gorgeously quirky, gauzy Cafe Van Kleef in Oakland– just two weeks before. I hoped that Malcolm, our IQD mascot, would come. Malcolm is a former Googler and wacky soul who has come to every single IQD since I started hosting them in 2003. Would anyone else show?

The quirkycrowd of all ages showed up, in their glory. This was the ninth annual IQD the longer I throw these gatherings, the more I fall in love with the people who come. They are totally open-minded, with good hearts, and ready for anything. Read more ›

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Posted in Quirkyalone, Quirkyness

Launching Quirkyalone in Brazil!

Posted on May 9, 2010 by sasha — No Comments ↓

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Next Sunday, May 16, I am launching the Brazilian version of my book Quirkyalone, Sósingular: Um Manifesto Para Romanticos Irredutíveis with an event at Terra Brasilis Hostel as part of Santa Teresa‘s literary festival, FLIST.

I will actually read in Portuguese for the first time, which will be kind of amazing, and we’ll chat over caipirinhas about the qurkyalone movement, the translation of quirkyalone to sosingular, and the state of quirkyaloneness (or sosingular-ness) in Rio and Brazil.

When: Sunday, May 16, 3 pm

Where: Terra Brasilis, Rua Murtinho Nobre, 156, just opposite the Parque das Ruinas

What: A book launch party for SoSingular: Um Manifesto Para Romanticos Irredutíveis. Join us to learn about the quirkyalone movement worldwide and to talk about single life in Rio. Meet other quirkyalones (or sosingulares) over cairpirinhas!

A quirkyalone is a person who enjoys being single (or spending time alone) and so prefers to wait for the right person to come along rather than dating indiscriminately; relishing equal doses of solitude and friendship; attracted to freedom and possibility.

For more information, visit quirkyalone.net.
_____________________

Quando: domingo, 16 de maio, 03:00

Onde: Terra Brasilis, Rua Murtinho Nobre, 156, em frente ao Parque das Ruinas

O quê: A festa de lançamento do livro para SoSingular: Um Manifesto Para Romanticos Irredutíveis.

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Posted in Events, Quirkyalone

Must-See Quirkyalone Movie of 2008: Happy Go Lucky by Mike Leigh

Posted on November 29, 2008 by Sasha Cagen — 3 Comments ↓

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Leave it to the British to create the most quirkyalone movie of 2008. If you haven’t seen Happy Go Lucky, starring the (could there be a quirkier actress) Sally Hawkins, you must run, not walk, to your local independent theater. The movie is more character-driven than plot-driven, as we float through life with a 30-year-old primary school teacher with a sturdily sunny demeanor.

What would Poppy do? That’s now what I will ask when I’m confronted with irritating situations or difficult people. Poppy is unlike anyone that I’ve ever met, but there’s something about her approach to life which I aspire to.

Quirkyalone money quote from the film: Poppy’s younger sister, who is pregnant, married, and living in the suburbs, lays into Poppy, telling her she needs to grow up and start by investing in a mortgage. “I just want you to be happy,” she says. Poppy responds, “I am happy. I love my life. I have a great job, amazing friends, yeah, it can be tough at times, but that’s part of it.” “I am one lucky lady,” she says, “and I know that.” Why it such a breath of fresh air–even revelatory-to hear a single woman count her blessings on film? Is it because we never hear that in popular culture, or because we don’t actually believe that single women can love their lives? I believe Poppy’s character.

Happy Go Lucky was everything that the Sex and the Movie claimed to be and was not. Both movies are about female friendship, but in the Sex and the City movie, all that Carrie and co. ever talk about is men. In Happy Go Lucky, the characters talk about all the things that run through women’s minds, I should quit smoking, or one of my students is violent, and what should I do, and are we grown up yet? Men and fashion are not the only reference points for life or fun. They go out dancing and make fools of themselves, collapsing into pools of girliness. The row boats in the park and talk about life.

I am still pondering the movie 24 hours later. Have you seen Happy Go Lucky? What did you think? I’m curious to hear from other QAs.

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Tagged with: Happy Go Lucky, Mike Leigh, movies, quirkyalone
Posted in Movies, Quirkyalone, Uncategorized

Thanks for the anxiety, Lori

Posted on February 13, 2008 by Sasha Cagen — 7 Comments ↓

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Today a friend forwarded me an Atlantic article called “Marry Him.” Published by Lori Gottlieb in the Atlantic, it was also featured on Talk of the Nation today, and it has inspired serious vitriol across these Internets. Lori’s advice to women in their thirties is to settle. Basically, she writes, think of marriage as a business arrangement. It’s better to have someone on your team to help run a household and watch the kids, even if you have little in common, than it is to go alone. She’s speaking from experience as a single mother by choice in her early forties. She also tells us that women settle, and men do not, and that women should settle when they’re young when they still have the opportunity to.

My reaction: Are you sure? Really, Lori? She seems to be in genuine anguish over her situation, and thinks she may be helping other women avoid her fate by telling them it’s better to settle than wind up alone. But I don’t know.

Isn’t that just a recipe for a failed marriage? If you don’t respect your partner, what chance do you have of maintaining closeness in a long-term relationship and working through all the inevitable miscommunications, differences, speed bumps? How do you go to bed with someone who bores you or leaves you cold? Didn’t we go through this in 1986 when Newsweek told single women over 40 they were more likely to be killed by a terrorist than to get married? Twenty years later, Newsweek recanted with another cover story interviewing the same women they pitied back in 1986, many of whom are now happily married. Actually, the chance of marriage for women over forty was around 40 percent. Why is one of our own (a single woman who made the choice to have a child on her own) dragging us through all of this again?

This is an endlessly fascinating piece of writing from the quirkyalone perspective. Quirkyalones, by definition, don’t settle. It’s the inability to settle that is at the core of the definition. A quirykalone may feel anxious, concerned, or lonely at times, but at the core, she or he tries to write the narrative of her life from a non-victimized point of view. There’s an attempt to see one’s life as full and complete no matter how disappointed a person might feel at times. Lori reads like a person who feels trapped and resentful of her inability to settle. I wonder if this is how she always feels. It’s brave to be so vulnerable, but in her piece, marriage feels like a prize, a golden ring in the distance, a solution to loneliness, rather than what it is: a partnership between two people who want to be with each other. If one person doesn’t really WANT to be with the other, how can it be a marriage?

My advice: Why not wait until all those settlers get divorced? They’ll be more people in the dating pool.

What do you think?

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Posted in Quirkyalone, Uncategorized

Feb. 14: The Sixth Annual Quirkyalone Day Party in San Francisco

Posted on January 22, 2008 by sasha — No Comments ↓

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The sixth annual International Quirkyalone Day is approaching. . . please put this party on your list! Come mingle with fellow quirkyalones and listmakers. This party is a celebration of romance, freedom and individuality AND my books: Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics and To-Do List: From Buying Milk to Finding a Soul Mate, What Our Lists Reveal About Us (just released).

Thursday, February 14, 7 pm
Red Hill Books
401 Cortland Avenue
Lovely Bernal Heights
San Francisco

Bring a to-do list to see if it’s compatible with someone else’s.

Miranda Culp of The Mirandaband will be lighting up torch songs.

The after-party will continue next door at the Stray Bar (309 Cortland) at 9pm with hors doers and continued merry-making and mingling.

About IQD:
IQD has now been celebrated in forty cities around the globe. But it started here in SF and NY in 2003.

What is it? International Quirkyalone Day is a do-it-yourself celebration of romance, friendship, and independent spirit. It’s a celebration of all kinds of love: romantic, platonic, familial, and yes, self-love.

International Quirkyalone Day is not anti-Valentine’s Day. It’s NOT a pity party for single people. It’s an alternative–a feel-good alternative to the marketing barrage of Valentine’s Day and an antidote to the silicone version of love presented in shows such as The Bachelor.

To check your quirkyalone status, take the quiz:

For more information, visit www.quirkyalone.net

To see some lists, check www.todolistblog.com

To host your own quirkyalone party, check the IQD page for party tips and
party supplies and post your party on the online community.

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