Vulnerability Is Worth It

Sharing my last blog post felt very raw and real. I felt a nervousness in my body click the publish button.

If you didn’t get the chance to read it, the post was a response to a woman who warned that if you don’t have serious relationships in your twenties, you will be at a disadvantage for the rest of your life. I didn’t have a “serious relationship” in my twenties (whatever that means, I’m still not sure to be honest).

Sharing that post with you felt like I was exposing myself. Even though many of you found me via Quirkyalone, I still feel vulnerable sharing things about my life that do not fit the norm.

Which is what I want to talk about: quirky vulnerability.

Many of you may be aware of Brene Brown’s beautiful work on vulnerability, and how sharing our vulnerability is a key to greater intimacy and joy. She writes about showing up authentically as who we really are: “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.”

My underlying intention in sharing my own quirkiness is always the conversation that results.

In that conversation I find so much light.

I have been so happy reading the comments in response to that post on my own blog and on the Huffington Post. Reading the comments proved to me once again that it’s worth it to be vulnerable. I especially enjoyed reading stories of women who found authentic love later in life and voices like this: “The world is already skewed in favor of couples and families and it can be really difficult to find your own authentic life and voice as it is without someone perpetuating the fear that if you don’t find it in your twenties you’re just OVER, especially since it is NOT TRUE.”

When we share our quirks it gives permission to others to do the same. We become more free.

GetQuirky_LOGO_email_opt Sharing our quirkiness (our real unique selves, creativity, points of view, and reflections) is what we are going to do in my upcoming online course Get Quirky. We’re going to talk about singleness and relationships for one week of the course, but more than that, we are going to increase the quirky quotient in our whole lives and get practice being vulnerably quirky with each other.

Get Quirky is a monthlong course. It is going to be a mix of deep reflection and serious fun in appreciating what’s unique about ourselves and in the people and world around us. The intention is to increase our self-acceptance and acceptance of others, our daily sense of fun and wonder, which are just some of the gifts that I think an appreciation of the quirky brings us.

I created Get Quirky through my lifelong experiences as a writer and a researcher of the quirky in all of us in my books and from my experiences as a life coach. And why quirky and not just quirkyalone? That is the subject of another post, but I’ll say briefly here that I have become more and more fascinated with the “quirky” part of quirkyalone as the diamond in each of us. And polishing that diamond does not mean being alone–it means sharing who we are and connecting with others in a place that is vulnerable and real.

Early bird registration for the first session of Get Quirky will open soon in the next week. I invite you to hop on this list to get the first work to register and for access to a special discount. I hope you will join me for a journey of 30 days of quirky.

My core intuition (and I am a pretty intuitive person who follows intuitions to lead my life, case in point this recent move to Argentina which is going very well!) is that this program will be both fun and transformative for those who participate (including me!).

If you have any questions about Get Quirky, drop me a line.

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Praise from Readers and Coaching Clients

"It is liberating to bust out of the confines of prescribed roles and be 100% myself. Quirkyalone coaching is empowering.”—Barbara Berry, 43, Gainesville Florida

"You write what we know (in some deep hidden place) but that needs to be said. in other words, you're developing something fundamental. Quirk might just be a tad left of center, slightly outside our peripheral vision. but a much more comfortable, truer place to stand."--Alexandra Joy Forman, Rio de Janeiro, author of a book of inner quirk, Tall, Slim and Erect: Portraits of the Presidents

“Sasha's coaching helped me get unstuck to pursue my passions. If you want dedicated support in creating a more fulfilling life, I highly recommend working with Sasha.”—Jennifer Ludders

“In her writing, Sasha Cagen is up to something that could be as important for women (and men) as The Feminine Mystique was years ago: We aren’t just halves of couples; we are distinct individuals—as complete and potentially happy alone as we are with our families and lovers.”— Barbara Ehrenreich, veteran muckraker and author best known for Nickel and Dimed: On (Not) Getting By in America.

"Sasha Cagen is something of a hero for the growing ranks of singletons who are learning to feel secure with their status, and she is often their public face. She appears frequently on popular national television and radio programs to explain that going solo is a viable, legitimate, and not necessarily lonely way to dwell in a city—a point that is surprisingly controversial given how many people are already living alone.”-- Eric Klinenberg, professor of sociology at NYU and author of Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone

"In her classes and coaching, Sasha has a way of making you feel like you are sitting in a coffee house, just chatting and discovering the best parts about you."--Beth, 35, Richmond, Virginia

"Sasha helped me get to a place where I could begin to love myself, flaws, fears, and all."--Valerie Bosselait, 50′s, small business owner, Amherst, Massachusetts

"I had a wonderful time in the Quirky Tango Adventure: the tango lessons with Alejandro, massages from Nele, and the group circles and other meaningful conversations with individuals who were part of the experience. In particular I appreciated the sincerity and openness of our conversations. I met a lot of fantastic, beautiful, amazing women who were quirkyalones (or quirkytogethers)."--Amanda, early thirties, Portland, Oregon

"Orgasmic pioneer Sasha Cagen is on a vulnerable and potent personal research mission into the world of sensuality, and she's got some fantastic reports from the front."--Michele Lisenbury Christensen

"The book proposal for Wet made me blush, and made me want to read more."--Tara Gentile