My friend Jenny invited me; in an email and in the car on the way there, she warned me, “We can walk out early. I’m okay with that.” I didn’t read any of the links she sent in advance because I decided, “I want to do this blind.” Come what may. My social life in the Bay Area is a bit predictable. I am ready to be shocked and uncomfortable. And Jenny and I haven’t gotten to do enough fun stuff together lately.

The event was called “Uncomfortable Zones of Fun.” This monthly event has been going on for three years and it’s hosted by the legendary performance artist Frank Moore and his entourage of supporters over at the Temescal Arts Center in Oakland. Moore is most famous for being one of the NEA-funded artists targeted by Jesse Helms in the early 90s for making “obscene” art. Jenny and I walked in ten minutes early and we were the only ones there. I whispered, “Do you think we will be the only ones?” It would be higher stakes to walk out if we were the whole audience. Continue reading →

Coaching is about learning to tune into what you want, and clearing out the voices that tell you you can’t have it. This session my client didn’t want to talk about her career. That had been the primary focus working together. This time she wanted to talk about finding a new lover. So we switched gears for a session. Everything is connected. What we discover in her approach to looking for a lover could help us understand how she approaches moving forward in her career.

I asked her what she wanted in a lover, and what had worked in the past to find one? Dancing, she said. When she lived out west, she would go out dancing and amaze her friends with her ability to reliably pull in men. She had a sensual shrug in her shoulders. (She showed me over Skype and I could believe it.) Now she lives in New York and she had not been able to find the right kind of club to go dancing. The only places where people danced, she said, people were drunk and out to score or grope, and the dancing did not have the natural, uninebriated quality that she likes. Continue reading →

Thanks to my friend Agnes for sharing this video with me. As I coach clients, I found two things that struck me in this talk.

1) Shame represents our fear of disconnection. We are ashamed by what we fear will separate us from others; we fear some part of us will be judged unworthy, I have always been fueled by shame in my writing–there is so much juice in our shame that helps us to connect with others when we express what we are ashamed about. My Quirkyalone book (and the quirkyalone movement) come to mind (expressing the shame of persistent singledom) and I have always found shame to be great creative fuel for connection with others. Expressing the charge we feel about our shame can be fuel for connecting in our relationships as well.

2) Vulnerability is the key to feeling more connection and joy. Being willing to be vulnerable and to invest in a relationship when you are not sure of the outcome is one of the characteristics of people who feel worthy of being loved–and feel more joy in their lives.

Next week I am thrilled to be part of a new experiment bringing tango and nature together at an overnight milonga at the rustic West Point Inn.

To warm up the group, I am giving a workshop called “Beyond the Steps: The Essence of Tango.” There are still spaces to come for the afternoon and evening. Here are the details for the full event.

And here are the details for my workshop:
Beyond the Steps: The Essence of Tango
Saturday, November 19, 3pm at the West Point Inn Continue reading →